TMZ Tour

(This blog post and some after is in the font of Courier because it takes place in Hollywood and Cali, and Courier is used by all of the directors and screenwriters in their movies.) 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MRS. CHERYL!!! YOU'RE SUCH A REALLY WONDERFUL MUSICIAN,LEADER, AND MENTOR! HOPE YOU ENJOY THE DAY!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE COULD DO WITHOUT YOU AT CHURCH!!!

The paparazzi. They are the dirt of the world, the narrow minded imbeciles who feed on the shortcoming s of others, who love to get a juicy story of one of the world's most famous, and thereafter make them viewed as evil and ill in the respect, and even though normal day people do these things and it does not make the news, the paparazzi has to present them as terrible and inhumane, to ruin their privacy and to take pictures of them. They can be unjust and cruel, but, it is there occupation, and someone must do it, and so we must picture them as regular day people, as we treat doctors who love it when people are sick, therapists who enjoy the work of seeing people with problems. Someone must do the job, and their source of income comes from that, just like funeral directors need for there to be dead people. They don't love it, but they do need it.

I probably shouldn't have viewed them in such a respect, but oh well.

One of the big departments of these picture takers who contract their photos and their information, is called TMZ. It means Thirty Mile Zone, a thirty mile area that they cover, which is Hollywood, where most of the celebrities live, and so there is a lot of juicy info in there. I would not find out this until later.

The scene: the RV, dirty and packed with books, sheets of paper, and an over multitude of junk and random stuff. Dad clicks on his Toshiba computer, the wide black slick machine focusing in on the website of TMZ. The day: March 15th, the Ides of March. On this day thousands of years ago Julius Caesar was killed by his fellow people, as earlier he was portrayed in a bad light and over thirty of the people in the senate stabbed him with daggers, over 30 times. It is funny we went to TMZ on this day... because they attack people with words and pictures, and there phrases and juicy secrets are like daggers.

I knew of what it was, how they talked about everybody's bad points, and I also knew of the Television show they had on prime time, TMZ. But, it was rated TV 14, so I had never really gotten the advantage to see it. If it was that rating, then the tour would probably  be rather inappropriate, and that I would not enjoy, as I am not one to take pride in any of that imbecile nonsense and scoundrel joy. I tried to signal and tell Mom and Dad that we should best not take the tour, but alas, they were not familiar with the show and signed us on. Again, we drove to Hollywood Blvd., back to where stars are made and where they do things, and then to the Whole Foods with the tokens for the bathroom.(See previous post for more information on yesterday's adventure.) We went into the parking garage, went up through the entrance, and in no time were again in front of the Mans Theatre, with handprints and street pretenders wanting tips for taking pictures all around us. There was a small ticket booth close to the red and gold theatre, on the right side. We appropriated some tickets and waited until a bald guy with tattoos yelled out "NEED YOUR TICKETS FOR THE TMZ TOUR!!" and then we handed them to him. He handed the studs back to us as we strode and rambled over to the side parking lot behind the block of buildings, where we had gone the day before for the Hollywood Tour, which is another story. We then took sight of it. 

A slick, bulky, large bus shone in the hot Cali sun. It's black painted exterior with TMZ in large bold red letters, along with many swirls and a few famous people's pictures, was something of a spectacle. I could barely see through the black shaded windows, where inside is private(imagine the irony) but when your inside you can see all that is around you. This one had a large roof, and it was so much better, not all ripped up and open air like yesterday's. Oh, it was a beauty. There were two of these so vehicles, and one man, the one who had done the tickets, went in one with some other people. We were lucky not to have that gruff man. There was no sign of our current tour guide. We were sheltered inside and Mom and Dad sat behind the driver, with black all around us. Rebecca and I sat together, with me with the window seat.(very luckily, for I had the video camera and would enjoy this tour more than Rebecca would perhaps.)

Everything in the room was black. The leather seats, the windows, the posts that were by the outside seats, the back, ceiling, walls, everything was black. There was a blackboard and a large dashboard, and the blackboard was behind the driver, who had a black seat with a black uniform. He was Latino. Then, our tour guide finally came in. Dressed in a black collared shirt and black long pants, the young black haired woman was...another example for black. She had a blotched, acne filled face, but still was rather pretty, small, and had brown eyes. She spoke with a small mike and held on to the post as she boomed out, and I could see she was going to be a good actress. 

"Hello everybody, how are you all doing today?" --"Good" and some clapping from audience--"That was poor, but we'll work on that. ---cheers and better goods!, second time around-- "My name's Nasareen, and I'll be your tour guide for today. Welcome to the TMZ Tour. We're really glad your here today. This is your driver, Jose. He's gonna bring us through some fairly treacherous area, so you better be appreciative. TMZ is a show on some channels...you've probably heard of it, but in this tour I really hope that we'll see some stars, as we're the paparazzi. Now, sometimes we're given a bad rap, but all we try to do is get the truthful story out there about some of them stars. Who do you all want to see today?" 

"Lisney Lolan!" 
"Taylor Swift!" 
"Tom Sellec!" 
"Harrison Ford!"(This is me) We all raised our hands in saying this, and Nasareen made an interested face that I, a young person, knew such an old actor. She said perhaps we might even see them 

"So, where are you all from?" Some people were from Canada, a young couple, and another high schooler had just graduated, there with his older parents, but they didn't talk much as much as Rebecca and I would later on. Nasareen learned we were from Georgia, and of course like tons of other people across the nation she had said we were a long way from home. I told her about the trip in reply, and she said that was pretty awesome. Over the course of the ride Nasareen and I would have several witty conversations, her and I whipping each other with funny comments. 

"How old are you?" 
"I'm 12, and my sister Rebecca here is 10." She then asked us of our names. There was another twelve year old, and when it came time for her name to be known Nasareen looked at me and said, "Andrew... hmmmhmmmm... Yeah, Katie and you..." I blushed as red as a fire truck.

We then went upon the road, and Nasareen stayed standing, holding on to that pole. I just then realized and looked upon a television a little above Rebecca and I, and another right above Mom and Dad. It was huge and flat, and then after a little while of looking at the Mans and her talking about how Clint Eastwood didn't want a star and the whole business of getting one, a bald skinny guy, the star of the show TMZ, went up and talked about how it was going to be a cool tour, and not to video tape him talking, also to stay in seats, and all the other boring rules which must come out sometime in the early section of a tour. We then left the Kodak theatre area and went into the more club, shopping area of Hollywood. This TMZ tour was very professional, not as historical, and I wondered if it wouldn't be too bad as I had first thought it would of been. But then came Strike one. 

It was when we had just learned about a big skyscraper club, and the great TV's were once filled up with images as we looked at the great building by a small drop into another area, surrounded by billboards, restaurants, and liquor stores in addition to boutiques, which we would see later on. This was the Hollywood and Los Angeles of the movies, the ones everyone talked about. On the TV they talked about the club where you needed a contract and there was a huge waiting list, also a large bit of money you needed to also have. There were some pictures of the rooms, the large oak tables and desks, all the lush wonderful couches and sofas and the great views out the crystal windows, in addition to wonderful silks and a score of other cool things. We then started up again, leaving the building.

One of the many cool things about this tour was that it stopped and we got to see those videos, unlike the other tour yesterday where we sped along quickly and I could barely even hear him talking. It was great to see the awesome videos. But then we got across the street, to some bars, and a couple of restaurants with a thing called the Funny Club, where Steve Martin and some others had gone to make some laughs.We stopped in a chicken restaurant, with a big kitchen, and stopped as we watched one more video. It was like McDonald style, not really a nice or big restaurant. We watched a video, with several of the people from the show at their location with their desks and pens and cubicles, and the people on the show talked about how Brad Pitt had once worked there at this restaurant, as Nasareen sat down and said a comment before being quiet, as she would do many times in the tour. There was a picture of Pitt, as we saw in the movie, of him in a huge chicken costume. Everybody laughed that the future famous personality was once a teenager working part time... in a chicken suit. It wasn't exactly right to laugh at him as I have been a feathery friend too... I was the rooster, with the red gloves on a white hat... in E!I!E!I!Oops! So I have nothing on him. 

This wasn't the first strike however. I bet your wanting to know what that was. Nasareen had already told us that we should look out the windows to see if there was a star, and then she  would go out with her camera(it was attached to a black overlapping plastic thing that went over her chest and stomach, and allowed her to run with having it secure, also it could move around a lot, something that the professionals used. A Mexican man to our right in a car pointed to somebody, and then some people in the back of our bus said that it was Peyton somebody... but I don't know which Peyton. I forget so much though... Anyway so yeah... Nasareen got out of the car, opened up the door, and had her camera ready as she tried to snap a picture of him, but alas, his little Sudan car sped away at the last second. It was pretty action packed, and we were literally on the edge of our seats to see what happened, but she came back in and said it was a no go. It was really bold to go out there in the middle of all that cars and traffic, and was really the paparazzi in action. Pretty crazy.

That was strike one for the reason in which she tried to get in somebody's business. Nasareen was nice and very complementary of us when it came down to it, but still... I mean why do you have to get in that person's business. After a while the stars are probably flattered, but then they think it gets old. 

Nasareen and I played on each other for the rest of the tour, and she'd be like "I bet Andrew knows" and I'd say a witty line back at her. It was a fun and interesting friendship, and I got a lot of spotlight time. She would smile and we'd laugh at the things, and I think she was glad I wasn't one of those kids that was uncreative and wouldn't reply to something witty. She told us of a story as we went along of how in the last tour somebody said they saw Fabio and a lady said to drive on until they saw a real star. Nasareen showed her kindness when she felt bad for Fabio; as they drove off she could see his hair waving and a confused look upon his countenance... that brought a whole lot of laughs. It still makes me chuckle to this day. 

Strike Two, the more dire strike, was still on it's way, as we went upon some other crummy looking businesses, black walls and a few scrapped paint, some other things, and a lot of liquor stores in addition. Nasareen, smiled, pointed, and told Rebecca and I to close our eyes as she talked about the playboy mansion... as she said. I won't go into details. As I closed my eyes and covered my ears I heard the muffled sounds of "stripper" and names and also "prostitute" and several other ungodly words. That is really terrible. And to think they'd show it on this tour that kids were on. Nasareen later told us she knew we were mature but wanted to keep it kid friendly as she could, but if that's all she could do... TMZ couldn't be too kid friendly. Sigh.  I do not have to go into details about this part of the day, do I? 

Moving on. 

Nasareen... hmmm... such an odd name when you think about it... I've never ever heard that name before that day... huh. Such an interesting name. The black haired girl from TMZ. Nasareen. 

Sorry I need to get back to the blog. 

So, I asked that question about what TMZ meant, and she said in the tour it would be answered. I still had it racking in my brain. It was hard, but I managed to avoid the screen(we weren't allowed to film that because of copyright reasons) as I filmed outside. We went to several of the stars' hangouts, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp's cafe, where Britney Spears went bald(the people from the show in their funny tour video talked about that thorougly as we looked at the salon where it was done... rather interesting) and where Clint Eastwood played golf, but didn't manage to see anyone besides that Peyton guy that I didn't even know... my parents didn't either. Which was a bit of a disappointment. 

Then, we rounded the corner and entered Beverly Hills again, where the stars lived, not played and worked. We rounded a bend where a nice grove of trees and plenty of grass was, and saw a small building that we came onto after passing numerous boutiques where it was thousands of dollars to buy a shirt, because of the rich materials that everything was made of. Very amazing. Nasareen passed this fancy gold place without any trouble, and talked about a few stories of how no paparazzi were allowed in, which was surprising for her. But back to this building. It said Beverly Hills Police Department, or BHPD, and had some blue lettering on the sign. It was small, of a plastered stone material, and of only one floor. Nasareen, as she hung to the pole as we stopped and swashed about, told us that many a star had served time and misdemeanors for drunk driving to infidelity and other things. Britney Spears actually rammed her car, while under the influence, into the police department! That's really funny, 'cause by doing that she stayed right in that place. But of course, because of her celebrity influence she got out quickly, which is sad. We learned all of this on the video with the funny people, long haired and that main bald boss man, all in the video at their place. 

We went down this hill with a lot of ivy, where a hotel was in the distance. Nasareen informed us that this was the place where Michael Jackson had died, and the people on the video confirmed that actually TMZ was out in the parking lot looking for him and were among the first to know he was dead, who then tipped off the police. I guess paparazzi can be good for something. Then the video ended. It was sad to remember that he was dead. 

I remember that day, partying and being at the house of Mrs. Cheryl Rodgers, who is the choir director for middle school and other departments at our church. She's really nice and even has a studio in her basement. I'll actually see her today. We were watching the television and learned of his death in their living room on that summer 2008 day. Mrs. Cheryl's husband, Art, was actually the producer or editor doing the death pictures and story on Michael Jackson, on WSB Channel 2 Action News. Sad day, but I didn't even know who he was until after he had died. 

But, as we all know, MJ had some bad points to his life also, as most Hollywood celebrities do. We drove to the high school where he grew up at (and in the video several other people were talked about going to this school...some of them stars)and we looked at his picture in high school as we looked at the playground, from real thing right outside to the video. Nasareen, as the swings churned in their rusty metal, made the joke of,"I wonder what else Michael Jackson was playing with on this playground" inferring of what he was rumored of doing... bad things to children I will not speak of. I have only just been plunged into the world of inappropriate things, in the ghastly middle school, so I hate to think of all of these sexual references. Oh my.

Changing the subject...happy Veteran's day.

With a small automotive shop situated by the trees to our right, the bus stopped and we watched another video. It was about how some TMZ people on a tour had stopped and helped Cee-Lo with his little problem. The mechanic wouldn't do something for him and the TMZ person said all these things Cee-Lo would do if he didn't put down the price for the repair, but then the man didn't do it at all. Cee-Lo must hate TMZ now, but it was pretty funny to hear of the recounting of events with all those TMZ people in their little office. It's a constant blabber of  them talking, is what it is. We then passed on. 

Nasareen said the tour was almost over (ah, man!) but as we drove back we would play the "Finger and the Wave." It was when they saw stars and video taped them and we had to pick if they would wave or flick the camera person off. Such a depraved game, but one that I took with ease and an air of nonchalant. I smiled and first we did a really gruff guy, Mike Tyson. Would we wave... or flick them off? I knew from experience that they use tough people and you always think they'll do something mean, but in reality do something nice. I raised my hand, wanting the prize(it was a black TV shirt with white lettering of the TMZ tour) and said finger. Nasareen looked surprised and said, "Are you sure? He's a boxer...really mean?" I was staying by my guns, and after the seconds of him eating were over, he just slightly waved. Yay! Andrew 1 TMZ 0. Then it was the actor who played Frodo in the Lord of the Rings... he was in a subway, and Nasareen was trying to trick me. He was supposed to be a really nice young actor, and because Mike Tyson, mean, had done the wave, we were supposed to think he would do the finger, because this guy was actually nice. But, I was too smart for this. I said wave, and Nasareen said, "Are you sure? He seems like a pretty mean hobbit." 

"I'm sure," I replied, with a smile. 

And then.. the moment we were all waiting for... it finished running, and he smiled as the doors to the subway closed. Haha! Andrew 2 
TMZ 0 

Nasareen handed me a bundled up T-shirt, and I took it, victorious. I now have it in my closet, and I wore it a few days ago. Every time I look at I remember what it took to win it. 

We saw a few more star sights, but then found out when TMZ was founded and that it meant the Thirty Mile Zone, around Hollywood and Beverly Hills. We parked in the parking lot and dispersed. Telling Nasareen the blog, and her saying nice things about me like I was clever and funny, we left her as she told us to watch the show soon as she was going to be featured on it. That was really awesome she was going to be in a show! We left, and went to the Kodak Theatre a little, also to Papa Johns above the Whole Foods, looking down on that deep high sided seating area, and ate some good pizza. We tried to enjoy the street pretenders, star walk, the Mans Theatre and all those handprints for one last day, as this was the last time we were going to see Hollywood Blvd. on the trip. The next day was to see one of Mom's old friends...the notorious Meg. But that's a different story.

I really enjoyed that tour. Nasareen was a great tour guide, funny, nice, and really witty. It was fun to see all the videos and different places, and the opinion of the paparazzi as the evil minded fools faded as I begin to have a little empathy for them. It's their job, and their just people like you and me,and maybe it's a good thing for people's bad secrets to be exposed...so we can know the information and make our own ideas about the people. Nobody's perfect and sometimes it's not good to hide it. Ruining privacy isn't good, but every celebrity, or aspiring one, should know it's a public life, and if they don't want that, then maybe stardom isn't for them. Alright, well, I'll talk to you later.

There should be a paparazzi...for paparazzi,
Andrew.