Catalina UMC and Old Tucson Part Two

(SEE "CATALINA UMC AND OLD TUCSON PART ONE" FIRST.)

The building, the yellow wooden one that was really big, had a square section in the middle rising up and then two small ones, with a flag on either sides of a door under the balcony and several columns, a few small steps. There was a box, barrel, and a wagon on the left side with a little bench and some wooden wheels and axles. On the balcony was a curved half moon window on the balcony, a wooden podium, and two other white and blue flags on either side. It was pretty quiet for a while before a guy came up in a blue painted old car, and when I mean old I mean like Edsel Model T Ford old, with no windows, old wheels, circular lights and a flat white top. The guy had a black jacket on, and a white tie underneath, kind of looking like someone at a funeral. But that assumption would soon be shattered. He also had brown big boots that took up half his black pants, and a little boulder hat atop his head. But anyhow, he came out as some people came out of the courthouse, and he asked if he could take their daughters on a little ride, just a swing from one exit to the right, through the main street and then back. They got on and then left in a really loud engine roaring gush, soon coming back. He had a loud voice but was very nice and funny, a jolly old guy, and so I could see that no, he was not at a funeral.

3:15-He asked if anybody was here from Tucson and a few old people raised their hands. Then some others, after a question of anybody from Arizona? From the U.S.? Most of the people raised their hands then, everybody from Mom's to seniors to kids to young people to Rebecca, Mom and I. A few people were from Sweden and even some from Australia. So their was a pretty diverse group, we saw. Then we entered 1912, in the month of February when Arizona became a state. The guy said that the new governor was supposed to come out, and he had the nice little blue carriage ready for him when he was going to propose into the parade. He asked where the new governor might be as he excused himself and went inside to find him. This was either an unplanned delay and he was sorry it was happening or this was supposed to be part of the presentation. We waited a while in dull waiting. Tick tock, tick tock. He came back up and said that the Territorial Governor, the governor who controlled Arizona when it was a territory the U.S. government had. There was a drum roll as a person who I had never expected as a governor came out. It was a guy in a tie, with brown hair and bangs, and glasses and a small beard. He was like in his 20's, and he was a governor? But I did remember that Mark Twain's brother was a Territorial Governor when he was only young, and so I guessed that young people could be governors and the government didn't care who they hired, it was just a territory.

Well, he said that even though he was resigning and another guy was coming in (I'm paraphrasing he sounded a lot more proper and louder and more official than that) he was so glad that Arizona was becoming a state, and went through the whole thing that so many people wanted Arizona to be a state, to stop all of the bad guys and everything. Those two little kids made some really loud sounds of gun fighting as the Territorial Governor went on, ignoring the screams and a dad coming to get the two little trouble makers. He told about how they had tried to get their constitution in and it took a long time by Pony Express, but that everybody was the better for their effort and that Theodore Roosevelt, the president, had vetoed that Arizona become a state. That guy was trying to hard in his acting, having a deep country accent and pausing for dramatic effect, among other things. But he was a good and strong actor, I guess. Well, he finished up with the speech in saying that he thought that Smith would be a great new governor now that he was resigning and that Arizona would be a great state one day, with all the help of us, in short, he ended with some monumental prophecy. Then I wanted him to get shot.

But he didn't. :(

He looked behind him and asked behind him where the door was wide open (did I forget to tell you he was on the balcony?), "Are you ready yet Almost Governor Smith?" and he peeked his head through and said to the audience that he would only be a few minutes. I guessed that the wardrobe was taking a while to get on the Governor's suit or anything like that. Tick, tock.

Would this be a good performance and entertaining, or a show that was too dull and kind of plain? I hoped there would be some gunsmoke, and also some fighting, but that usually wasn't was what followed in a ceremony of a territory becoming a state, but this was Arizona, which was a WILD west state, so something was coming besides just a speech. I did enjoy the reliving of the whole event, and seeing who was there and the people who were major players in the process and day that it was annexed to the Union. Although it wasn't OUR 48th state, it was THE 48th state made into a state. And then came Alaska and Hawaii. So, what would happen next after this guy got ready to do the speech? I wonder if it would be a good one. Tick tock.

"Welcome the new Governor of the great new state of Arizona!" The territorial governor stood aside as that jolly cabman from before stood looking up with his hat off by the car. T.G. had said the words, and then the new governor came out, with a butler like status of a big linen beneath his chin, making him look fatter than he probably was. Also on his had was a little grey boulder hat that was the same kind the cabman had and a grey suit, grey pants. But his clothing did not match his attitude or emotions, at all. He came up to the podium with a fake smile on his face, well publicized by politicians all around. I've seen it before on many slimy leaders. I looked up at the curved flags, half circles, with ARIZONA STATEHOOD on it with blue and red colors. He spoke.

"Good people of the GRAND state of Arizona, I am so happy to be the first governor of this great state. I hope to be a great leader, and make the best decisions for the residents of the 48th state annexed to the Union in the great year of our Lord, A.D. 1912. Let all remember this day as the starting of this wonderful desert land. We have woman's suffrage votes that must be considered, and I feel that any time you want you may write a letter to me with your concerns." He said a bit more, for show, and made some monumentally sounding statements that obviously must have came from a ghost writer. He had a great booming voice and also sounded very leader-like but firm and powerful... now wait a second, that's the guy who was doing the ranger seminar! I could totally connect the two voices, even though they were in different tones and voices. I shook my head as I realized who the guy was. Now, the cabman asked if the newly elected governor, looking up high as he addressed the man, was ready to go in the parade on the car. The governor shook his head and stated that he walked all the way to Arizona from Ohio and that he didn't think the two miles more would hurt him, and so he would walk. Cabman tried to urge him to ride in the car, the government had supplied it, it was very comfortable, and also very nice. The governor, with his cleanshaven face and white haired sideburns on his cheeks, said that he would walk. frankly. Cabman shook his head and said that the decision was the decision. Then this got a whole lot more interesting.

Several women came in, shouting with their feminine voices. They came from the right side of the building by some very nice trees, and came up with one lady having a bonnet and a drum stuck to her stomach, with two sticks beating on them. They were all in black, well one had a white top that was all old looking, and a black long skirt or robe, you could say. I'm probably the worst identifier of clothing of them all, so I'll just say that she had a black thing that swung around. a white top that wasn't short sleeved, and one had the same thing, but in black with a feather in her head. Young and old alike, they marched over shouting things with big wooden poles and their white cloth with words on them hanging over like a cross, saying, "GET RID OF THE LIQUID DEVIL!" or "LIPS THAT TOUCH 'ETH ARE SINFUL" and several other ones, all in black and red. They beat on the drums and came over, saying that if Arizona was to be a state then no alcohol should be observed, or at least temperance on Sundays, the holy day. I agreed with them as the governor and the cabman looked astonished, thinking that beer did so much and ruined so many lives that it should be outlawed, or at least in 1912 in Arizona. But, that didn't really work out with the Prohibition Era, did it?

The governor didn't have words, but said to quiet down and that he would consider, as the women took two ladies out of the crowd, a short haired blonde old women and another to raise the flags with them, as they shouted NO BEER at least a million times. They had powerful voices and one, not the oldest but certainly the one leading, declared that beer was a demon drink! I thought that was true, and shouted yes, but I was probably the only man in there to do so. Then it got interesting once more.

"We want beer! WE WANT BEER! WE WANT BEER!" Several men came out as the cabman came to join them, and the Whip guy and Sheriff came out, but in different clothing to the latter. He was in a beige hat that was a long broad one, a red scarf still, green/khaki pants, and a blue collar shirt. Whip and him took two men out of the crowd, a bald dad and a blue capped guy. They shouted to the women that they wanted beer. Some of the men in the audience shouted that with them, as Dad declared his love of Miller Light. But I didn't share their sentiment, actually. I thought beer was okay if nobody got drunk, but it was a killer, really. The leader women took off Sheriff's hat, who was the Leader Man. They had an argument that erupted for a few minutes, and I could see that they were married, actually. Nobody would budge, and she said goodbye, that he would rot with the liquid devil which was beer, as they marched out via an exit between the block of storefronts, through the middle. I guess Sheriff thought he was divorced, and so Whip and him, who was on the steps behind everybody, fired their guns as the audience volunteers sat down. They said, "Well boys, I guess we'll just go to the saloon!" Whip went in the car with Cabman. The cabman followed him as they exited the left side.

The governor finished up, as he went inside. I never saw him again.

I loved the performance, the chaos erupting and the clash between genders. Sure, no fighting, but it was entertaining and cool to relive history in a way I hadn't done with cowboy stuff before. I liked it, as everyone dispersed. "What will we do next?" I asked Dad. He said their was a show called "The Secret of Santa Maria!" which was a live ACTION and COMEDY. I was really excited to do it. We turned onto the real street and then saw many bleachers on the right along with a stage I will describe later, and Dad said, after we had gone to the restroom in a brown bathhouse with porch, that he would save our seats while we killed some time and things to do, like do something worth while like go look at the church or Indian village. We hadn't done the Indian thing the first time we had come to Old Tucson, so while Dad valiantly and so kindly held our seats, we could do that. Well, we walked up to zero storefronts where a single church was seated under the shadow of the mountains, with a lot of brush hugging the mountains, all of the sheer cliffs and some buff rocks, many pointed, but definitely desert mountains, not forest ones. There were flat cacti with prickly sticks that were like speech bubbles in a comic book. Many other long leafed brush was sticking in different formations.

The church had two slanted boards for a roof, and a little pinnacle with triangle peak and a white cross seated on top of it, with stairs up, many windows and a wooden door. We walked up to a black train that we hung on and took pictures on, and you could even go through the rooms with all the windows and the little seats dotting the sides. I looked at where you put the coal in and the pilot part, swinging on the pure black front of the train, with all the cylinder tube. We actually took pictures there after we went into the church, but no matter. The church was really small and had normal pews and hymns and other things that made a church, well, a church. A little platform we stood on had a door to another room. I pretended to be shooting at the guy who was chasing me as I ran out and him, on his horse, shot at me wildly as I ducked into the train. A carriage came by as a guy on there with many people told about some history. We could have and probably SHOULD have done the tour, but Mom said it wasn't good when we went so we didn't do it. I got a lot of history out of the singing show, the sheriff presentation, and the museum so I felt that after we had seen a couple of more shows and ridden on the go-karts, that our experience at Old Tucson would be complete.

But, would we have time?

Dad had seated us in the first row of the bleachers, in kind of comfortable seating. We sat down with our waters and I wished I had gotten my video camera, but Dad had his camera that he was using as a video camera. Dad told us a Chinese lady had sat down and Dad said he was saving the seat for us and she simply said no, and then he said she had to leave and then she said no, and then he said again and she said no, and so on and so on. She eventually left. All situated, I looked around, half of the bleachers filled maybe. Not totally a lot, but there were sure a lot of people on the left one over us, very up high. They had their pictures ready for this action packed show. Now, let's describe the stage a little bit. It was first of all an Alamo, with in the middle a bumpy curved circle and then circular windows that were all stained and with black bars going over it. It was white mostly with some red or yellow streams and stains coming around them. On the left side was a rectangular front, and the other right side was the same one. Above the left one was a wooden staircase by a pole, and then on the right side was a square room, it seemed, that had some columns and curved windows and a top, like a clock tower with no clock. Let's now take the bottom section.

On the left side we got many wooden boxes, and then a cell with large cylinder poles and a snug little room in there, however I think if you go into there and become a resident it's not that comfortable. Then there were some wooden beams by it too. Several boxes decorated the middle of the sandy area, and wooden poles with ropes made sure that no kid came in. Rebecca told me actually that that same kid from the Arizona statehood and the Sheriff presentation, came in and a guy told the Dad to go get him, because their was "EXPLOSIVES ON THE SET!" And the kid never came in again, I can tell you.

In the middle was a fountain, stained with beige and copper and such. The wooden door in the middle of two beige columns and a lot of rockwork. with a ledge, metal beams. and plenty of old boxes with wooden old stuff. Alright, on the right side, the most decorated one in my opinion, was some sticks going vertically, and a ladder coming up from the right on that clockless clock tower. Under those vertical wooden stuff was a porch, with roof and real sticks. and also a white brick adobe behind it, white with red and beige stains. There was a bench, a barrel, a wheel, a pot, and a basket with some vegetables, along with a chair, and two whisky bottles with the basket on a table. It was all situated randomly, with pots and pans and a door in store. Well, I think I've given a pretty valid description of the set, now, and even if I didn't Mom can supply you with some pictures, and you'll probably know which ones it is by the stained white Alamo looking structure. Tick, tock. Don't you both love and hate those few minutes where you anxiously look around for the actors, wait for the lights to dim or the lights to dim? The dry air went through my hair onto my face as I tried to not cough up the desert smoke which surrounded the area. Sand, oh sand! Nothing but stinking sand!

Gulping some icy cold water with sand on the Dasani water bottle, I waited again.

3:45-A character came on the stage through that wooden door with the columns, shaking his head with a feather duster in his hand. It was a wooden stick with a large grey bushy thing on it. He had a brown square hat with a large brow going the full length around, and some chipped parts and cuts in the leather, with a large leather rope going down from each sides under the neck... I forget what that is called. He had brown boots, blue pants, and then a pleader shirt that was kind of grey with bits of white and blue and red stripes and all kinds of different colors, some kind of clothing that appeared like it came from Latin America. He had a scarf around him with the same fabric and symbols. Then he had a vest, white on the first one, then red then blue after the second and then green. An interesting costume, I saw. His shirt was up a little bit but the arm was bare, and then some green and yellow gloves that had cut-offs at the knuckles area. He was the weirdest cowboy I had seen yet, and had the oddest clothing of them all. After a few minutes of hearing him talk I found out that he was the comic relief, the relief that makes the drama kind of funny and all the sadness and action bearable with funny jokes and being stupid. I've been that character before. It's the most fun of all of them.

Really. The most fun.

He walked over and told the crowd, "Hello, people of the world! My name is Deputy!" He had an air about him that was trying to be impressive, and he was very funny. He was trying to look cool, slick, a stud, but we all knew he wasn't being it and he knew it too; it was a part of his act. He waved the feather duster around, and said that he was going to look around and clean up Tucson. As families, little girls and boys, people with strollers, and older people, went from the entrance on the left side to some of the different bleachers, the guy did the most amusing gestures. First of all, he devilishly went behind the people as they walked along, sometimes acting like they walked, and then feather dusted them on their backs, butts, and heads, sometimes doing it immediately and saying, "Feather-dust!" with funny facial expressions, or other times he scared them and then later ran up and finally got them, or as they leaned to get away more to the bleachers, he reached out and scrubbed them with the black feather. Then he might say, "Don't hide from me, I see you" getting the girls in their hair or doing it lightly, roughly, or half-hardily. It didn't matter what he said, how he did it, or when he did it, but he did it to all but one of the people that came in. I wish I could have been feather-dusted at least once. Oh well.

I hate that word.

Those words, I mean.

As he did so, he said things like "I'm the hero!" doing that swing arm thing like Rosie the Rivetor did, and I saw a small badge on his shirt, on his arm place. He touched it and said stuff like, it was his baby. Our family were laughing out loud every moment of the day at his many knock-knock jokes and other ones. Everybody had red cheeks and coughing mouths at all the humorous things that this had afforded. Okay, no action yet, but there was a whole lot of funny lines.He said he could do a good impression on George W. Bush, and proceeded to stereotypically say in a deep Texas country accent, "My fellow Americans,(and he put on a fake smile that was all stud like and presumably G.W. Bush like; I haven't seen him do this but people make fun of him for it) I am really glad that you have come to Old Tucson today."

He asked in a "tryingtobecoolbutnotsuceedingface" if it was good or not, to which people kind of clapped but not really, because some people were Democrats, others Independents, and then also Libertarians, among the many Republicans that were also in the audience. He also did another, which he called Sheriff, and then did a sheriff impression, saying things like, "Go clean up the town while I sit around and eat bonbons." and saying after some other mean comments about probably, his boss. As he said the most witty and droll things, the wooden door opened up again and a person came out. It was the same chubby sheriff that had been in both the Arizona Ceremony and the Sheriff Presentation, and now his acting skills would be once more used in this new funny show. He came out, after looking at some papers, and came up behind the kid(you know he was cleanshaven with black hair and a little bit of hair on his chin, but really young) and said in a country accent and the air of the guy in charge who was NOT the comedy relief but the brains behind the operation,kind of sarcastic, "Isn't that sheriff mean?" and the kid said yes until he had a blank face, realizing that he was behind him. Then he turned around as the Sheriff asked what he was doing.

"Uhhh, cleaning up the town." He smiled awkwardly and looked around as laughs erupted from the audience like Mount St. Helens.

"With a feather duster?" More laughs as some rhythmic music played.

"Yeah you told me to CLEAN UP THE TOWN, so that's what I'm doing."

The sheriff put his hand up to his face and shook his head. He was wearing green pants and boots, a blue long sleeve shirt, and a black vest and brown hat that went around his head, a cowboy hat. In every performance he had on different clothing than the previous, but some part he had worn before. It was interesting.

"We need to talk," he proclaimed, moving over to the fountain.

"This isn't about the birds and the bees is it? I'VE ALREADY HAD THAT TALK!" He whined as he halfheartedly walked over and the Sheriff explained to Deputy(I'll be calling the kid that from now on) that that wasn't what he was describing. He was trying to tell him that by saying that he meant to clean up the town, he didn't mean literally to dust everything down and use some Tide to make everything look spick-and span; it wasn't Spring Cleaning yet.

"I thought Tide wasn't invented yet." Deputy proclaimed blankly, as he thought up and some HAHAHA's and HEHEHE'S took up the audience, all from little chuckles from dad's to giggles from little children. If you heard us all on a tape you would have mistaken us from monkeys or hyenas. Through the entire performance, people would be laughing, and as red as cherries and coughing like poor children in London orphanages, so as you read this and imagine this in your mind, from now on please envision and hear all the audience in the background laughing, as you would in a sitcom. Okay, thanks. Now, Sheriff said that wasn't the point, and told him that what he meant was to look out for outlaws, people who might challenge and twist the law. Or break it, which is the worst of them all, you know. This was an act that will make readers in their chairs not that excited and laughable, but it was a show that had you had to see to laugh about, and the actors call it something like slapstick, which I'll get to later. The action will come later too. Sheriff, in a father to son kind of speaking, told Deputy that the Wild West was full of criminals and that Deputy should watch out for them. He asked him where his gun was. Deputy looked around at his holster and said he didn't need a gun.

"You lost it, didn't you?" And Deputy in a fake smile and awkward laughing said no that he hadn't. Sheriff gave him the gun and told him to be very careful with it and not lose it again, for it was his lifeline. Deputy said something hilariously funny as back-and forth between dialogue happened. You might not think it's funny right now, but if you were there then you would be erupting it pure laughter, and I guarantee it. Nope I'm not the Men's Warehouse Spokesperson. But anyway, Deputy took it and actually shot his foot, and then fell down as he whined like a true baby. I almost had my teeth knocked out of me or eyes shot out as they cracked me up more than the Arizona desert. It was hysterical. That's what slapstick is, the funniest kind of comedy there is, where people hit other people or fall down on purpose to make the audience laugh. I've done it many a time, in Italian plays as a police man or in movies where I chased a kid and the kid one. Slapstick is derived from people backstage hitting their hands against flat sticks, to imitate the sounds of slaps, punches, and various other things. Slapstick is so much fun both for the audience and for the actors, and it can be great wonderful time, unless you fall down and actually really hurt yourself....

Sheriff told him to get up, and then gave him the gun and told him to be careful. He said that there was an outlaw he had to attend to, and then left. While Deputy was in fake pain, he nursed his leg until he then got up and mumbled about Sheriff, as Sheriff asked "What was that" still almost gone, and then Deputy said in a mischievous voice, "Nothing" as Sheriff left and he started mumbling again. He threw insults at Sheriff behind his back as he then got up and sat around. He did a lot of other amusing things, as he told us to remind him that he was putting the gun into the box on the fountain, to get later because it was way too heavy. Then he just stood until Sheriff came back out of the hut with all the junk on the right side of the sand stage, with the table and fruits and a kind of tiki hut look. Behind him came Whip, who was dragged by the ear, saying "Oww" at least a million times. This would get interesting now.

We all laughed as the music from the background changed a little bit.

Sheriff proclaimed that Martin was a bad guy, going around and searching for the "Secret of Santa Maria." (mexican voices in the background over the loudspeakers, in the wooden boxes, made a catchy tune as Deputy laughed and thought it was catchy too.) Sheriff tried to walk Martin, who's name that was, over to the jail cell on the left. He used a move I had so often used when people in games and friends or not friends had tried to capture me, kick, pinch, and run. He kicked the back feet before pinching and then swinging Sheriffs arms over, cracking them(probably fake and also over the loudspeakers) and then kicking him down in the gut. Sheriff told Deputy to get him and then there was a little fight where Martin told Deputy if he let him go he would give him a million dollars. Deputy stopped as Martin punched him like a gun. It was a "you had to see it" show, that won't make you laugh right now but would of made you hysterical if you had been there in reality. Sheriff told Deputy to shoot him, but Deputy, in a stupid funny voice, said that he had left it somewhere, couldn't remember where. He got back up as Sheriff said to Martin, a silver colt flashing in his hand, "GET DOWN!" and then the show just got all the more funnier.

Deputy and Martin, as stupid as characters as there will ever be, started dancing to the music of the loudspeakers, doing among their dances the water spout, the chicken dance, and... the worm. They did it so high, bouncing up and down like professionals, making it look easy to do the complex dance. They had to be really in fit to be able to achieve all of these stunts to the level that they did. My admiration of their skills would increase as the show's running minutes decreased. Sheriff took Martin by putting up his gun, stiff-arming him horizontally, and then turning him around as he hooked his hands, a gun to his back. "POLICE BRUTALITY!" he screamed, as Sheriff said it wasn't invented yet. More laughs. He put him in the jail cell and took the key with him, telling Deputy to watch him with the best eye ever, and to find his gun. The protagonist left as he said he had other business to attend to. Deputy made a comment about that only parents and adults would understand, as he went out to look for his gun. Earlier, if you don't remember, he had said to remind him later where it was and we told him in the box on the fountain, or I might have gotten some of the facts wrong and Sheriff found it... oh whatever.

He, in a Mexican voice and jumping up on the fountain ledge, told us about, the secret of "Santa Maria, about a guy who made this potion, naming it after his lost love, and then drank too much of it and he found out that it made(in a funny voice very comical and actor-like) "men ten feet tall and woman more(and he put his hands on his chest, but then seeing kids in the audience put them down) more... attractive!" Deputy said that was the reason so many people wanted it. He got preoccupied with something and didn't see a woman that had cave-man like hair and weird colorful clothing come from the door and go to the left cell with a lot of red cylinders, candles? No, it was dynamite. Uh-oh. She led the black cord and burned the match, whispering to Martin who was playing on his harmonica to stand far back. He yelled saying, "MARTHA!" the girls name, in a scared voice as a large boomed occurred and a lot of smoke came up. When it cleared, the thing was down as Deputy turned around, and, trying to be a hero, told them to stop as he took his gun. The next things happened really fast that no one could tell you how it happened, exactly.

A fight broke out.

Along with funny comments, somehow Martha managed to take the gun and train it on Deputy. He ran up to her, screamed for Sheriff, and laughed awkwardly, trying to not get killed in the process of this fiasco. Martha asked the worthy fellow where the potion was, that the sheriffs had held in private because of the wrong hands getting it... man, how many times have I heard that saying? How about this: because of the evil doers using it for terrible things, that's what it means, right, so why don't we say THAT? Oh well, maybe it doesn't matter and we can use idioms and cliches or whatever their called. But anyway, Deputy didn't actually know the answer, and he was in a big pickle because he didn't know it.Martha's hair, worse than even Rebecca's, swayed in the wind as he tried to answer. She had brown hair and was surely an ugly woman for her age, which wasn't old. Pretending that he did, he proclaimed that he didn't want to give the secret, but that it was in the box on the ledge to the fountain. Martha told Martin to go get it, and then he looked at it blank as Deputy ran, and threw something at her. Sheriff came out of the wooden door as Martha shot at him and he picked up his Colt. Some dramatic music played in the background and more funny lines along with the fierce action ensued.

Sheriff told Deputy he should have never let them go but at least they were the only ones with the guns.

Deputy smiled as if he had something to hide or was holding something back. "Uhhh, I don't actually have a gun..."

"WHAT?!" Sheriff said they could win as he tried to chase the people out, shooting gun-smoke up into the air with a fury. Martin shot all around, as Martha ran away, gunless. Martin and Sheriff faced each other, each armed with a colt, and this was to be my favorite part to the entire show, upon reflecting afterward. Sheriff's gun was shot as they faced each other, horizontal to the stage and half their body, the profile, facing the audience. Deputy got down as Martin got ready to shoot Sheriff, and he looked in a box for another gun.

"Slingshot!" he said as he threw a slingshot into the air. "BOXING GLOVE!" he said desperately in his normal hilarious fashion as he threw the red glove up into the air and Sheriff caught it, throwing it into Martin as he punched it away with his arm. Sheriff asked Martin to not kill him as a water gun, then a mouse pad, were all thrown into random as dialogue erupted between Sheriff and Deputy who were arguing, one about to be dead and the other trying to save the other. The whole show was so funny! He threw him finally a wooden sword, and Sheriff hit the gun down and then Martin was armless. He flipped over, crazily, and I saw he was a real stuntman, and picked up a stick. They both had a little fencing action as I was as happy as if I had won the lottery or if I was at Christmas. Sheriff hit down as Martin blocked off, then they hit behind as Sheriff was knocked down, his sword gone. He kicked Martin down as Deputy cheered, not doing anything besides being an announcer of the fight to the audience, in a deep voice and with a witty way about him...man I loved both this character and the actor...well only on an actor standpoint. You know the urban myth if you laugh a lot you live WAYYY longer than most, well I'm sure all of the people in that audience would live to be like 280, on an average. I mean seriously, we were all laughing like buffoons.

They picked up their swords and fought some more on that standpoint, making great moves and twisting around, one would hit, dodge, hit, deflect, hit hit hit, back up, all in a frenzy of great acting and fighting. Martin swung back and tried to point Sheriff in the stomach as Sheriff swung after deflecting and moving back and Martin duck to escape his wooden death. He hit Sheriff's feet before slipping and running to join the battle again. I love sword fights so much more than I like gun fights, and have been in many too... that joy of fighting with sticks against an opponent, seeing their strategy and running around and making sure they don't kill or hurt you... that very essence and tension is unequaled, not with guns or any other weapon in the whole history of the world. They went around the fountain, slashing each other so viciously that you had to wonder if they were really actors, or if they were Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton, nemesis for all life. There words were less than aggressive or even mean at the least, asking if the other one was done and saying silly phrases to each other as they tried to be the better of the two. Sheriff hit Martin's finger, and Martin shook his hand and whined about the loss, and later we would find out that the pain was real and the expressions and fake crying were just an ab-lib of the real pain that was aching inside. Accidents do happen to actors, not all is fake....

Where was that Martha character now? She was so mean, bitter, and ugly with her hair and all, that she REALLY wanted the secret of Santa Maria, where was she now? Was her character gone and her brother who had gotten captured(Martin) was all alone without the help of his sibling? We didn't know the answer as us, the audience, were on the edge of our seats, paying strict attention to what occurred next in the jarring performance. Martha came through the right side of the place, that hut, and then as Sheriff and Martin fought each other with their swords both knocked down and only hands remaining, came up behind them. They kicked and punched like Tim McGlow(a fiery political Irishman I made up in one of my stories), fake of course as many people could probably see, but with sound effects and different things. Martha tried to pick a gun up as they fought to overtake each other, but Deputy, who was trying to be a hero and thought he was one, pushed her down and said no. The guys stopped fighting and said together, "YOU CAN'T HIT A GIRL!" and she scratched him up as she ran back into the hut. Sheriff, who had some history with her and now saw her, said that he was ready to fight her again in a tone. She said no as she shot at a barrel and he fell down as water dripped and some sound effects came out. He fell and was knocked out for the time being, so it was left to Deputy.

They both chased him, as he went through the doors while saying the funniest things I have ever heard. He went up a ladder that was on the right side, remember from earlier,, followed by Martha who had a hammer in her hand, chasing after the squealing Deputy. Martin, amazingly, went up the barred windows of the Alamo-like building, and I was once again amazed at the guy's acrobatical ability. He made it up as he then went towards Deputy, who was now finding two enemies against him. Sheriff, his wits not totally destroyed, got back up as he took the gun and shot at Martin, who funnily ducked and weaved before falling off the back, and I was shocked as I gasped and saw Martin fall straight down back into the area of the stage we couldn't see. I had no doubt that he had fallen on a soft mattress, but still my admiration and impression on the guy continued to ascend. I could surely never purposely fall backwards for an audience...man, dude, whatever your real name is, you are awesome, seriously. Let's have every reader clap in their chairs for this wonderful thespian, thank you for your good service to the stage. Bravo!

I wasn't being sarcastic.

Would Martin be back or was he out for the count forever in this thrilling and hilarious performance. As Martha came up the right ladder, Deputy did a thing that he would never be able to take back, by picking up the ladders two wooden handles and then thrusting her on it, and the ladder, backward to her doom. Timber! as she fell, and fell, screaming and saying no, gone forever. Deputy said that it wasn't much loss to the world as someone else came behind him. All the people in the audience screamed and gasped as they looked at Martin standing behind the unlucky Deputy. I had loved this performance so far, all the action, comedy, trials, tribulation, and gun/sword fighting was all that I loved in a show. None of the romance suited me much, it was all girly, and I was happy to see that nobody loved nobody in the performance, well, they might like each other as kin and sibling(Martin and Martha) or boss to worker(Sheriff and Deputy; if Deputy was in here he would like it to be COWORKERS, but whatever.) but no lovey-dovey, which completely ruins any show. And kissing is an unnecessary spread of germs and saliva. But that's a twelve year old talking who doesn't like like girls yet. But anyway...I'll get to another paragraph.

What would happen to Deputy? He looked behind him, in a kind of fake scared way as everyone laughed at his expressions as he said, "Uh, hey" in a funny awkward way, trying not to get hurt or killed because of the furious-ness, and rightfully so, at Martin's loss. He pushed Deputy off, who landed on our side of the Alamo-like building, face down.

"GERONIMO!" he yelled before smashing there.

Sheriff went to check on him, as Deputy got up, dancing around and then falling down at a certain point. Sheriff shot Martin, and then shot again, as Martin funnily said, in a purpose-full bad acting way, "Oww, sheriff" "please no!" "stop, it" and "that tickles" as he grasped different areas of pain, and said "you're cheating! as he then fell straight down, and said, "NOOOOOO! I DIDN'T RECORD GLEEEEEE!" to which everybody burst into laughter, cracking up as does my dry hands in the winter time. Everybody laughed, and when I say everybody, I even mean the people passing by on their feet, or in a carriage. I bet if a plane passed by they would think they were all watching the funniest man, which maybe these actors were. But Deputy limped over, saying that Sheriff had done an okay job but that Deputy had become the hero. The elder, Sheriff, pat him on the back and said it wasn't true, but that he could pretend it was. They sat down at a table on the left side of the stage like right in front of us, and I looked at them with admiring eyes. They were a lot nicer and better actors than the guy who said beat it kid to me at the wagon, the tour guide, and the others on our first visit. Old Tucson had kind of grown in population and quality over two years.

"So Sheriff, what is the secret of Santa Maria?" Deputy asked as they both sat down.

"Well, I think you've done a good day's work so I'll show you." He went over to the hut and brought over some liquor in a few large cups. He poured them as he put some ice in, having a little margarita in his hands and a tequila for the other guy. He drank his slowly but surely, the mark of a wise person who was going to stay sober. He looked like he was drinking coffee or medicine. Deputy, the less sensible of the two, drank his like water or orange juice, and before he had had even a second glass he was acting drunk, going around and saying that he was bulletproof as he looked down on Sheriff like he was very short, and said he was ten feet tall, acting in a deeper voice with curled r's, latino sounding. He trounced about, dancing and doing other stuff,and it was kind of funny, but I didn't really like drunk funny stuff, because being drunk was a serious thing with serious consequences. All of the other inappropriate comments that children didn't understand, especially this, was not as kid-friendly as I had hoped. Sheriff took Deputy and said he had had too much to drink, and then stiff armed him, half dragging, as he took him behind the wooden door. I believed the show was over. Or was it?

I thought it was kind of a not funny and lame ending to the great show. But maybe it's just my opinion.

4:30-We exited with all the photos, as both Martin and Deputy came to the left side to watch everyone go after we had all clapped at the amazing spectacle. Sheriff, for some odd reason, didn't stay to get autographs; I guess he had either done it before or just didn't think he did a good job, needed to do something, he just kind of stood back and cleaned up the set. I told them they did a great job, and upon answering a question Deputy said that they have to fall a certain way and have mattresses. I told him that yeah I like acting and acting is fun, and he said that if I got good at it and practiced a lot all would be alright. I talked to Martin, and Martha was nowhere to be found; maybe she accidentally got hurt or did it from other reasons.) He said actually that his finger had blood on it, and it was sad to see the gruesome blood. He told us he just Incorporated it into the show, and it must go on. We took pictures with the great thespians, before moving on. Deputy did bunny ears on both of it. Well, I really enjoyed that performance; it was totally so far the most funniest and action packed one so far that we had seen. We walked over to a little shop across from the bathhouse, brown with signs. In this little shop were a lot of videos from all the popular movies, the Alamo, OK Corral, and Little House on the Prairie. Even some really expensive not real guns, but they were two real-like and expensive for me so I didn't get any. Would my gun last?

Or my shoes?

We walked over to the right side, past the main street and into another side street, past that and looking at the Indian village. and into the more of the not frequented area. I remembered going on the ferries wheel the previous time we had gone to Old Tucson, but we didn't go there this time. I had totally loved all the laughing that happened in the show, and all the action too, but now it was time to do the train that went the perimeter of the park and then do the go-karts also, maybe the tour, the carriage, and the Indian village. At least some of those things. We came up to a very small building on the street that was on the far left, a lot more up past the gift shop and Ferris wheel. The building was black and white with times of arrivals and departures, using the old mode of transportation, the train. There was a black veranda with poles, and a track and a small train, with roofs and poles and little seats and seats belt. Rather really small. I got on the middle with Rebecca by me and Dad, as we set off. This was to be a really scenic ride that we were sure to love. The buildings that were there on that sandy street, restaurants, just storefronts and trinket shops, past by as we set off. A run ride was to come.

I reached for my video camera but then saw I couldn't video tape, nor with my phone. So I would just pay attention and try to remember it with my eyes, just relax and let life flow. Brush equaled either side of things that we saw, faded green with long leaves branching out. We went right over toward the shadow of the mountains,and saw the shrub hanging to the sides of the sheer rock, those high brown mountains making a big impression as the blue sky reflected them, making a wonderful picture in our eyes as the cylinder tall cacti surrounded us, like green army men trying to catch us. We continued left, and I thought that the pilot would do some history or tell some facts, but alas he was only just a pilot to take us around, nothing more, nothing less. It was a very small train, but went rather fast and had a lot of nice seating area. It wasn't a real train, however, just something you take around a theme park, and if you've ever been to one then you know that it is a sight well seen.The twisty little shrub with light green tones was well seen, among the sandy rocks that decorated the landscape. So much dirt, dust and sand on them, probably enough to provide for all of "The Sandman's" powers in the movie Spiderman 3. Well, almost as much.

Dad and Mom took pictures of the things, some things on my side and some other things that were closer to the mountain. Among them were old wooden carriage parts, axles, wheels, all hidden in the shadow of the brush, trying to not have eyes laid on them by human observers. Also were flat wooden planks and even coffins among the list, and Dad said they used this area in creepy encounters or rapid chase scenes, and I was shocked to realize how old and how many films that these old wooden pieces to just about everything had been in. It was really crazy. We continued left, along where the go-karts were, which was probably going to be our next activity in the evening portion of Old Tucson. We then curled into town, after passing the Ferris wheel and swinging by the gift shop, and then thereafter came on to the main street where the operator was, and I could see the hotel in a little bit of the background, with the whole sandy street, even though of the late time still richly inhabited by tourists of all shapes and sizes, as we then passed the Santa Maria stage, coming back to the railway station. It all happened in a matter of less than 15 minutes, not too long a ride at all, but worth it because it was all included in the ticket, no money to us besides all that came with the ticket from earlier. I'm glad we took a perimeter of Old Tucson. It gave us a good view of the outside desert and a swing around the old studio.

We got off with all our stuff and thanked the mute driver. (I say mute because he didn't have any commentating about the tour or about history, he just drove us. He could talk, but didn't.) We walked over in front of the Santa Maria stage, deciding not to do the Indian village and do the go-karts, which everyone really wanted to do, and then after that see ONE more show, called "The Quick and the Dead" which was going on at 5. We had about 30 free minutes of time. We crossed onto the main street, where I sat down under a shaded porch at a table where a pizza place was, and everyone else went to the restroom. There was a small alley with some barrels where I had seen a few people pass by in. I was really bored as I hummed some stuff and thought back on the experiences of both times. Someone passed by. It was Deputy, but in different clothing than from before. (I'll describe it later.) I tipped my hat slightly, and then he tipped it a little lower as he faced the alleyway, almost inside. I took mine off, still no words exchanged, and then he lowered his to the ground, as Rebecca returned. It was a competition of who could do the best "how-do-you-do" with their hat, unofficial yet it was two actors, no script and just ad-lib, guiding us along. It was going to be a lot of fun.

I through mine up, well, Rebecca did, giggling as he looked mad and starstruck, as he threw his hat to the left into the alleyway. Our family returned as I looked at a lot of baggage and a dentist place, and I pointed my gun at him, who now had two holsters and two new colts. I was tempted to take one out, but they were real weapons with fact bullets and stuff in them, so I wasn't qualified to be handling them and if I took one out I would lose Deputy and I's friendship. Rebecca laughed as Deputy backed up, ever the actor, widening his eyes and saying, "IT WAS JUST A JOKE MAN, CHILL!" to which I replied that I would chill, but he was no good deputy or something of the sort. We began an argumental dialogue in the process, two guys with no script, just their mouth and their own brains to go with the other one, not contradict and guide along the fragile existence of the audience's capture of it being real and planned. People stared at a normal kid with cowboy clothes on and a teenager cowboy talking at each other, and one guy with a black shirt, young, and a black hat looked a lot like Scotty from American Idol. Let's here a bit of the action:

Deputy said in a whining voice, "I've been under so much stress; have you seen all the dust I've been cleaning up the town? It's a tough job!" He sounded like a hungry puppy.

I wasn't as good an actor as he was, and at times I am unable to control laughter at jokes but the show must go on here, I must prove myself to the professional I was now doing an act with.

Sarcastically I answered, "Wow, you've done a great job," and passersbys laughed heartily as people gathered around this spectacle in the streets. Mom took pictures of Deputy putting his hand around my shoulder and pointing, saying that he had done a lot of hard work and it was an unachievable goal.

I replied that, "You shouldn't look as things as half empty, but as half full!" and we argued as he said again it was tough. I told him to stop whining and leave, and then he did, mock-sad. He left and went into the alleyway after we exchanged a few more funny lines I forget. I love acting.

Rebecca later got to take a picture with a show girl, and I'll describe her clothing in detail, now that I have a picture of her who was singing in the thing and now did some other stuff:

She had on black gloves going up to her elbow, was brown haired with down hair, and a blue feather behind her with a nice necklace. She had a long long red dress, with flowers and nice stitching and black velvet trim, around and around with some other features. Nice lady as she posed with the happy Rebecca, finally being able to pose with a female around all these dudes.

Now to the go-karts, which might be the most fun part of Old Tucson!

We passed Main Street with the hotel and other stores on the main drag, and then went past the Sheriff place on our left with an alley going into a Chinese alleyway, and some horse pins that we didn't go in. The fences were high and I didn't see any, but heard and smelled them. We were now with the fun stuff, the train passing by, the gift shop to the left by the parking lot through all the ticket lines, and the ferris wheel that went around and around. We had done it last time, but didn't do that this time. We didn't do a lot of stuff this time around, including the tour and the carriage thing. They both would have been cool, but oh well. The Indian village had been reported as boring from Ma Poc and Pop, and we didn't go the previous time so wouldn't now. There was a green long patio, shaded with a roof, and with green rectangular columns and a small fence with wooden cylinders on either side. We walked down here to the wooden wooden boards with white paint and also green ones, where a single room with a cabin and then some people with a track and metal all around the cacti were. They had go karts, no top, just two leather seats, a back tire at the end, different colors and bumps and areas to climb on, with a metal beam in front which connected it to the track to make it power. I was a little scared at how fast the speed of these would be, but I bet it would all be all right and I would be a good driver. Time would tell.

Some girls were in front of there, and they were strapping people in, telling them a few things, and then they were off, driving their way down an unseen course, which had mostly a zig zag and twisty roads followed by lines of brush and little flat cacti all in a bunch; I think you know what I'm describing. We waited in line before coming up. Rebecca and I were the first to go in. Our parents had asked us if we wanted to split it up and have half in one and half in the other go-kart, the way we had done it with the grandparents the time we had gone, but we said no because we were now old enough to do it by ourselves and Dad said we wouldn't fit, all together, it was better to have a lot of room on four devices. Rebecca got on a red one and was strapped in on the right side where the steering wheel was, and then whooshed off as Mom took pictures and she left. I got in, was strapped in using leather yellow straps, and asked the person if it was going to be really fast or scary. She said that it wasn't at all, fun, but not scary. She told me I could steer if I wanted, and make it faster or slower, but I didn't have to and could just relax; the kart stayed on the track, it might just bump some stuff and that was all. Well, she whooshed me off too and I started my go carting adventure.

It was quite pleasant, passing along the brush and looking at little cute signs, cages, and other sorts of materials going the full length of the course. It wasn't fast unless I wanted it to be, and I accelerated a few times throughout. I steered away from cacti and the metal fencing that protected me from all the prickly beats, and I enjoyed the challenge to not hit the metal and hear it clank, although many times I did do that. Mom was the last and in a green one, with Dad a red one. I passed a wide curve, some black traditional lampposts on a sidewalk, and I resisted the urge to jump out and then try to get back in. I pretended that that guy who was chasing me had friends and I was on a horse, my gun in hand, trying to get away from the outlaws. I knocked one in the brush as his gun went off and hit my tire, slowing my horse down. I jumped on the other guys horse, in my mind, still on the go kart, and then stiff armed him off and elbowed him. The unlucky bandit tried to hold onto the horse but was dragged into the dirt. He cursed as I went on. I liked my little vehicle. Mom was taking pictures of all of us while being on the kart, a very umasterful skill that she was very good at. We smiled as I remembered Ma Poc and I being on one while Dad and Rebecca, Pop and Mom made up the other two. That was a good time.

We spun around and made it back to the loading dock, where they unstrapped us and I got up and looked for everything to see if I had left anything. Nope. Well, we walked back to the third street, by the ferris wheel, where a waterfall burst out water down a slope and with a wooden wheel which was making power. There were fish and some stones that we looked at as Rebecca and I sat on the ledge and Mom took our pictures. Big stones all around with a wooden roof in the background behind the dead tree, the wooden small water tower and some other old looking things. Then after taking pictures there we saw a large wooden building, a lot of black boards and other stuff, and many lanterns hanging from the porch that was up there. There were also some old rusty generators or pipes things, and them some horseshoes and a room that was out onto the porch, and I looked through the windows and gasped at a dummy with white hair, bangs, and a beard, a white shirt and some roughed up shirts with some lanterns on either side and some whiskey bottles. Very scary, I think. Rebecca and I took a lot of pictures in that area too, posing like we were shooting and all...well you can just see the pics later.

Then I saw a porch, some signs and several panning and lantern stuff. This was my least favorite part of Old Tucson on the first time we went, where I wanted to go down on a tour of a mine underground, and it said that the ride might scare children,but I didn't care, we went anyway. Dad wasn't there, he had stayed in Roswell. We went down. It was the scariest thing in that year, I bet. We walked down a trail, downhill, and on either side were screams and skeletons, as our grandparents went ahead and I lost the voice of the guide. There were fake cobwebs we had to go through and screams and ghastly skeletons that reached out. Then there was like this white ball thing, a portal of some sort, that we didn't go up to, Mom took us back. Rebecca and I had so much fear... I mean,we were kids. We went back up, Ma Poc and Pop stayed, and Rebecca and I stayed up and looked at gems and panning stuff in a separate building, having nightmares of the tour for weeks, months after. But anyway, as we passed by the memories flooded back, my only unhappy time at O.T. Even though I was older this time around, I still didn't want the memories and fear to come back, and I was still scared. Besides, we had to go to "The Quick and the Dead."

Then, no people in the cell we took many cute pics in the jail cell, among them you can also see. My guns handle accidentally broke, and I was sad that the fragile fake firearm(lot's of f's) had not lasted out Old Tucson. I frowned a little as I tried to fix it, but was unable to do such a task. Dad said we would fix it later, but if it broke one more time, then it couldn't be fixed again and we would just have to say goodbye to the faithful fragile fake firearm(try saying that four times fast) as we walked frantically over to the "Quick and the Dead" stage, past the hotel on our right and the bathhouse with the cafe on the left, and then the dentist storefront with the stairs, going up. I had seen some girls grasping the knob on the door, sad that they were not smart enough to know that the building was only a face. But I guess anybody would've done the same thing. We walked on, deciding that the carriage, Indian Village, and tour would not be done, because we had done a lot of history at the museum and the song show, and we could see that online, but not this "The Quick and the Dead" show. I thought I had heard the name of the show before, but didn't know for sure. We sat down at bleachers with their backs to the mountain, unlike the Santa Maria stage, and we sat down facing buildings I will now describe.

On the right side was a sign saying BATHHOUSE with a wooden rectangular large box, and then a green sign with red lettering saying Pigeon's Nest Club and Cafe. There was a rectangular long black wood coloring to this, that was grey like dark oak or something else, grey and dark from the increased amounts of sand that probably kept hitting it like the fight that was about to occur. There was a porch with columns, red but dirty and faded at that, and some tables and chairs. There were red slated windows and a door, and to the right was a staircase leading up to a platform, with wooden poles of the same type and a string...was this a hanging place that was so routine for the residents of Old Tucson, the executions happening daily? By it, below was a shed with a slanted roof and harnesses and chairs. Further right was a turquoise building with nice porch below, a staircase up, and a balcony with a door wide open. There were nice blinds also. I was excited to look around and wondered what part the hanging place had to do with the story. The hot Arizona sun blazed on my skin like a dragon from China, and I tried to find water as my mouth felt as dry as the dust and environment which surrounded our location. Two toddlers, the same from like every presentation we had seen, fought each other with their guns, their fury increased by the gloomy and dramatic place around us... the stage.

One of the kids actually came over to us, blonde and short hair. The parents, as carefree as letting the kids roam at the Arizona Statehood and go onto the stage at Santa Maria, let him come over here. My little gun was paled in comparison to his fake beige handle, really large. He shot at me and I tried to get him back, as he amused us with talking and shooting, and Dad and I pretended to die as Mom asked the little munchkin some questions, and his other brother came over. Rebecca died on some bleachers as I tried to look at the kid's gun, but he said no and didn't allow me to even touch it, although he did take mine and was puzzled that it was broke. He went up on the bleachers and his Dad, a young guy with black curly hair and a strange Australian accent with jacket, tried to get him before he fell. He did fall and then the dad got him, later shedding his clothing to put on a tee with the Australian flag on there. The kid's name was Atticus, and the other kid was named something that began with a D. I had said Atticus was a good name, knowing about the name in "To Kill a Mockingbird" who is the lawyer in the story. Mom talked to them and found out that they were from Australia, and I don't remember their exact story, sorry. Nice people though. They sure had their hands full with those two kids.

Tick, tock. We waited for a voice to boom, music to flow, or figures to emerge, before the thing took place. Over by the dentist and barber faces on the left, were barrels that a cowboy with a long bandanna that took up his whole face except his eyes got on. It was purple and blue. He rested there, and had sandy beige pants, and a poncho that went all around him. He had a weird hat also. He sat on that as some music flowed and a voice boomed that this was Old Tucson's version of "The Quick and the Dead" which was a movie made in the nineties, 1990's. The voice said some other things before the show started. Was this a traditional cowboy story with the girl being saved by a sheriff from Indians or some love story, or was it about horse thieves or something? Was it different, something I had never seen before? Was it going to be funny too? I was glad I didn't know the plot and that I hadn't seen the movie, for that made it really cool to just see the story develop and listen and watch the characters. That guy on the barrels moved toward the set as another guy came out, and the voice said that John Herod, who owned the town and practically ruled it, because he was the best gunslinger in the west and was feared by the townspeople. I'll describe him:

He had a boulder hat, grey like the Mayors, with a suit and no tie however, and boots on. He looked like someone rich and un-merciful, a real jerk. The other guy came up to John Herod, and then I realized that "Herod" was also Sheriff and Beer Advocate Leader from the Arizona statehood thing. I guessed they either had only a few people to do all these parts or they were among the best at Old Tucson. But either way, they used him a lot, I could see. Plus it was his job so he was multiple characters,because they only had so many showings for things. John Herod came down, and talked to the man as villains in old cowboy films had always done, relaxed, kind of sarcastic, you know, and very cold.

"Get lost kid. What do you want?" Sheriff/Beer Advocate/Herod's accent was quite country. I was sad that he was the villain, as I had liked his characters. Oh well, it would be interesting to see the nice sheriff and funny beer advocate change into this terrible Herod, which was a funny name because Herod in the Bible had tried to kill Jesus, and was an evil king.

"The townspeople want you dead, Herod. And I'm the one who's gonna do that job." I recognized the voice. It was Deputy's. Was he in this too? It would be fun to see him in a different role also. Who would win? Would this result in gun fight?

He laughed, relaxed as a tourist in Hawaii. "This is your last chance, boy. Fight and die, or back out and save your life."

"You'll be the dead one, Herod!" They both drew their guns, faster than cheetahs, but Herod was first. Before even the unlucky cowboy had even fired his gun was hit to the ground, as he shook his hand and looked up at his opponent.

"Sir, please! I have a wife a..." The man was desperate for his life, feeling foolish about thinking he could ever beat Herod.

"Haha. You lose!" Herod shot the guy down, totally knocking him off guard, on his back, as he stood still. Dead.

He spun his gun by the trigger, and threw it up a few times before putting it back into the holster. He whistled as a man with a mustache, one of the guys at all the places who had a nice brown mustache and was just around town and also led people on the horse tour, dragged him out by his armpits, dragging his dusty boots on the ground. Herod walked away, turning his back at his beaten opponent. It was probably just regular day that he killed someone, making sure they never returned and tried to kill him again, maybe when he wasn't looking. We would find out later that that was why he was doing the... never mind, we'll just get to that part later.

He walked all the way to the room, and then sighed as he went inside. The narrator said that Old Tucson was glad to present, "The Quick and the Dead." This show was an interesting one, I had seen, and good had lost the first fight around, with the villain winning. It wasn't like "The Secret of Santa Maria" where it was cheesy, hilarious, bizarre, and when somebody was shot they said, "Oh that tickles" or came back later with not even a scar. A cartoon-like thing. This was a lot darker of a story, I could see, and more dramatic and even more action packed. Although if everybody died when shot then they couldn't kill off a lot of characters, or they might, if they had a lot a lot them.Dad and Mom both agreed, as they talked to me and we waited for the next scene, that they hadn't shown that characters face because he'll come up again, the actor will, in a different role. I thought that was very smart thinking. We waited longer, as a few other people joined the audience, but as it was late in the day many of the tourists had left, or were eating dinner here or seeing some tour or last minute thing. It was just Atticus and his family, maybe like two more people, and us four. Rebecca took Mom's outer coat, because she had been a little foolish in thinking it was never going to get cold and didn't bring her jacket into O.T. I did though, even though mine was really small.

I will do a much more foolish thing in later blog posts.

We waited for, on the right side, Deputy in a blue and white scarf over his neck, and a brown large brim hat that had a lighter trim that was beige colored. There were blue and black stripe plaid that was pushed up to the elbow, a brown holster with buckle and two colts on either die, plus a dark brown buttoned vest and beige tight pants. He was dragging in front of him, hands behind the guys back, another character, telling him not to be a sissy and that Herod wanted him to compete in the gun fighting competition, to be beat by him, of course. This time he wasn't funny or even nice, cocky and cold toward... wait, who was that. I adjusted my vision as we saw what appeared to be Martin, with the blonde/brown hair that was up and no bangs. He had a long white collared shirt with smears of red blotches, blood, perhaps? He had a long black vest and black pants and brown boots.He said that he wasn't going to be in the competition, because he didn't work for Herod(I guess he was a henchman of the rascal at one point) and was now a religious preacher, never to fight again unless he had to, because he was devoted to a life of serving God. He told Deputy(who wasn't the character but the actor and that's what I call the actor because I don't know his real name) that he could stop and not work for Herod and have a much better life....

"Preacher, all I care for is money and a good girl to have. I don't need no god when I got a colt 1873."

I hated his role now in the story, and it seemed I liked the preacher, who's name later would be called....well I'll wait to we get to that part to tell his real name. My grandmother and I will agree that that cockiness about being able to not need a god and being powerful enough to protect themselves, it only goes to a certain degree and is not very real at all. Preacher seemed like a very good character that I hoped would develop, and maybe my admiration of him being totally awesome in "Santa Maria" as Martin with his acrobatics and funny lines would probably be carried in this one. We would see, we would see. Hopefully he wouldn't die as the other opponent to John Herod had, who was, as hard as Deputy was trying to make it lower and disguise it, obviously the voice of Deputy. Deputy got Preacher on the ground, and kicked him as I looked at the red faded blotches on Martin/Preacher's cheeks, probably blood from Deputy and Herod's henchmen roughing him up. Preacher was strong as he said that they tore down his mission where he was helping Native Americans (well actually he said Injuns), and did all this to him so he might as well do this to him. He told Deputy he could help and not be under Herod, a remarked met with a smack and a push on the ground. Herod entered the place and said the usual villain trademark,

"Well, well, well, look what we have here." The man walked over to Preacher and continued to speak, the holster with the gun hanging loosely. “Cort, (his Texas country accent reflecting into the air) , you should have stayed with me and you would’ve never of fallen in this mess. You will compete with the local people in duels, and in my competition to see if you can get up to me, before being killed. Who knows, maybe you’ll even beat me. How’s that mission going?”

Cort(the name of the preacher), in a desperate voice torn apart with fear, grief, and anger said, “You burned down the church, HEROD!” He started to cry a little as Deputy kicked him in the ribs, laughing and saying to not be a chicken-heart, which might not sound like a big insult to our generation but a long time ago that was a reason to kill someone if they called you that. I could see the fake tears in his eyes, as I looked at the wonderful actor, even thinking maybe the tears were from the hot sun coming down on him.

“I won’t fight or kill anybody. I’ve given up that life. My life is owned to God now.”

Herod replied with a smirk. “You and your God, Cort. I wish you were still with me. You were the best… well the second best shot, and the second fastest, in the Wild West. Smoking, gambling, shooting, all were a pleasure of life.”

Cort had plenty of words to come. “That life is gone, Herod. I don’t care about earthly pleasures if I don’t get to have the glory and wonder of Heaven with the Lord.”

Herod spat. Will, who was the henchman and also Deputy who’s name had been revealed at some time along the line, made a really mean comment as Herod spoke more. “Whatever Cort. You will compete in my competition. Or you die. What’s your pick?”

“Whatever is the will of the Lord.” The good Christian man looked to the ground, waiting for the ball to drop.

Herod asked again, and again if he was sure, each time more bitter as Will shook his head and said more mean things. Cort continued to stay consistent. “The Lord controls my life.” or “I go to the will of the savior” were among his phrases spoken again and again. Herod shook his head, as he signaled Will to pick him up, and Will did, taking him up the staircase and to the platform. He made Cort, who was as plain-faced as an un-condimented hot dog, stand up as he put the noose around him. The competition was for Herod to eliminate any opponents that would stand in his way or come back and be better gunslingers than himself, and also a way to make bets and gain profit…for getting people dead. My disgust at the actor’s full was increased by the minute, kind of like how Martin’s skills were admired more by the moment. Was Cort, the great character he was, about to die?

Will asked for any last minute changes for him, as he got him up on the thing and Herod watched, a smirk as long as California placed upon his face.

“No.” Cort continued to chant, as he waited for himself about to die, the passage in the Bible about walking through the shadow of the valley of death and that God would protect the writer, and I think it’s in Psalms… Psalms 23!

“Last words?” Will laughed in his cocky state.

“Go to He!!(I’m not going to say the last two letters.)

“Whoo!” mocked Herod. “Strong words for a man of the faith.

“Hey, Preacher, if you get the chance put a good word in for me with the big guy.”

Cort said a thing I forget before Will let the platform go and Cort…

Didn’t die. A bullet sound coming from the building to the right, the brown one, whizzed by and cut the rope, as Cort fell to the ground grasping his hands on the noose. Will looked around as one more character entered the set.

She had black jeans and boots, with a white upper shirt that was probably plaid. She had brown hair, rather pale, but not very much actually. She had a long beige coat that went all the way down past her knees and farther, with a brown hat that had a black trim placed on it. She came out with the brown belt on her waist and her gun hanging, as she said hello coldly to Herod. J.H.(John Herod) laughed and said that he would never see a woman shoot, and Will said she was alright, for a girl. She said that she wanted to be in the competition also, to win the prize money that was associated.

Cort regained himself and said that he had her to thank for his life, but that in a way he didn’t like being alive to have to work Herod’s game.

“What’s your name?” Cort asked, still on the platform.

“Ellen.” She flipped her gun around as Will had done so cockingly earlier, as he placed it down in his holster, bullet hole face down. Herod said for both of them to shut up and that they would both be in the tournament tomorrow, to kill each other. He walked away as he told Will to lock them up for the night, as the demon of the man left the place for a while.

Good riddance.

Will told him to come down, as he took Cort and threw him in the shed where he belonged, shutting the door as he sat in front on the chair. Ellen wasn’t a prisoner, and had said she was going to be in the tournament, so she left. Some other narration sounded, but I’m sorry I haven’t been giving you a good description.

I was kind of liking the plot, although it was rather dark, and thought this Ellen chick was a good add to the mix, but seemed very mysterious. I hated Herod, thought Will was annoying and a jerk, and Cort was my favorite in this presentation. He seemed like a great guy, and not one to be killing people. Would him being in there contribute to his death, or would he get out of his shell as Herod predicted and kill him? Ellen returned as he and Will had a little conversation, after Will was saying cocky things and spinning his gun around. The colt flashed as the sun’s rays reflected on the hot metal.

“You want to do it just for the prize money, girl? Because you seemed like you’d have a husband to take care of you right now, somebody like me.”

“I don’t want you foolish drinking men. Shut up you slime. I can take care of myself.” I thought that of Santa Maria and Quick and Dead, they both had only one girl and three guys.

“Oh, oh oh then!” Will laughed as he edged closer. “But what’s your real reason for doing the competition.”

She replied frankly, “I want to kill Herod. He destroyed my house where on a hill we had a swingset…” tears came up in her eyes as she tried to continue, “and he killed my father. I have a beef with him and intend to kill the man and make sure he doesn’t do anything else to anyone on earth, the dirty coward and scoundrel.”

Will nodded, not really caring what he said as he wanted to make known what he was about to say.“Quite a story. Herod is my father, and he’s getting rusty on his shooting things, and he needs to be substituted by his son, and he’s becoming an old man. I can beat him if I get the chance. I’ll get all the prize money.”

“Whatever you kid.” She walked away in her long coat, as she left for a while. Will was basically alone, flipping his gun around, visions of beating Herod in his mind. Who out of these four would become the champion?

Cort the preacher? Will the gunslinger? Herod the landowner? Or Ellen, this mysterious girl? Only time and the other people in previous “The Quick and the Dead” audiences could tell. Or somebody on the net.

The narrator mentioned that it was now the next day, as only like two minutes without any actors had passed. Will came back and opened up the shed as Cort came out, and roughed him up, not very careful with the frail weak man. So Cort, this nice preacher, had been an outlaw who had killed people and burned down buildings? It was hard to believe for me. But people change, as Mr. Scrooge did in “A Christmas Carol”. Ellen came out, as Herod came from his balcony window to watch the matter.

“Give them each a gun, Will. See that one of them dies, or both. You draw the gun when I saw draw, and if one of you is still alive when that’s done, you try again until the other is dead.”

Ellen had earlier told Cort she was willing to kill him to get to Herod, didn’t want to, but if need be to rid the world of the tyrant then kill she would of the worthy pastor.

“Here,” said Will as he handed Cort a colt and loaded it, and also the same for Ellen. The fight was on. This was what people from the Old West called a high-noon draw.

“I’m betting on Cort,” said Will, mumbling.

They had their guns in the holsters.

Ready.

Set.

Go!

Herod shot up into the air as Cort stood still, his hands itching to get onto the gun that he had used so long ago. Herod said that he was born a killer, couldn’t change that, and so would have to shoot him. Ellen, who I thought would kill Cort(which I would have been so mad about), said no as Cort told her to kill him.

“I can’t do it!” proclaimed the girl.

“Just do it Ellen. If neither of us move, then we’ll both die. It’s not worth the both of us!”

“No!” Her hands moved as Herod loaded his gun, Will too, ready to shoot the two because of their inactivity.

“DO IT!”

“I CAN’T!”

“ARRRGH! AHH!” Cort took up the gun and spun it around as he shot her, as Herod had done so impressively earlier. I had thought his gun skills were awesome.

Ellen was dead!

But I thought Cort was the Christian passifist, and that Ellen was the hard woman who was going to kill him to get to Herod! It didn’t make sense. Herod told Cort that he was a born killer and he knew he could break through his shell, and all that he was was a killer. Cort, tears in his eyes, dropped to the ground, upon his knees, and started praying on the body of Ellen, sobbing and putting his hands to his face. Repeadely saying “What have I done!” he continued to weep of the loss of his new friend.

A henchman took the corpse away.

Will was ready to go against his own father. “I want to face you, old man. It’s time for a new member of the family to take the business.”

Herod turned around, his country accent shining through once more. “I won’t fight my own son. I just won’t do it. Blood against blood isn’t good, Will.” He turned to face his new challenger.

“I’ve been practicing and I know I’m better than you…Herod. You’re just afraid that I’m gonna beat ya.”

“I’m no chicken! If you want to fight son, than so be it. But you’ll die trying.”

Cort urged them both to not fight, but that wasn’t the way it was going to be. I was sad for the loss of Ellen. Only three remained, the three boys. Who out of them would win? Would Herod shoot another man dead as quick as he did the first time. Or would Will the son actually make it and live up to his promise. They took their stance.

Herod’s boulder hat and suit showed the evil man within. Will licked his lips, as they both had their hands to their holster, close to it, fingers cracking and balancing in the air. Cort stood in the air, wondering who it would be.

They looked at each other straight in the eye. The skinny one, and the older bigger one. Father and son, about to be just son or just father. They both touched the handles as the guns emerged out of the holsters, drawing their guns in only a matter of seconds. As quick as lightning, smoke ran out as a large BANG took up the air. Knocked off and taken off guard, the old one was hit in the…well we didn’t know what place he had been hit, it happened so fast. He grasped his hurt shoulder.

“That was fast!” Will exclaimed, just before dropping his colt and falling down with a whush. Cort’s eyes widened. The fight was over.

And two were dead in the Arizona sun. I had just witnessed what the cowboys call a high noon draw. Murder had been done.

Cort slid over to Will, crying even over the captor who had helped burn down his church. He prayed, wept, and also said “No, no!” and come to me and other things. I was also sad with the loss of Will. But, my favorite character was the one out of the four which had survived. Will was just a troubled kid though, and his Dad shouldn’t of agreed. However Ellen got her wish and Herod was gone. Cort, with no church and no friends, was really alone. I guessed the show was over then.

But wait, Herod was getting up, holding his shoulder as he grunted. He had red blood also on his cheek where he wiped out. He spat on the ground as Cort saw him, asking him if he would help his son, who was dying. Herod, as mean as ever, left his son for dead as his kin was on his back, hands on the chest. Herod asked Cort if he would fight him now, to which Cort said no and that he was not a killer.

Herod loaded the gun, a cheating smirk upon his face, as he trained the weapon on Cort.

So Herod was still alive? Was the greedy landowner the one who would win?

Nope.

Ellen was upon the roof of the café as she shot her guns up into the air. She threw one to Cort who stood starstruck, saying, “YOU SURVIVED?” She told him quickly that a doctor had helped her, and that he shouldn’t blame him because she had saved his live and he had saved hers, in a weird way. She shot at Herod, who was taking cover by the grey building, and a lot of smoke and gun sounds came into my ears as I rubbed my hands, eager to see what happened next. Herod made it up the staircase, as he said it wasn’t fair with two against him, but they all knew he wasn’t a fair player at all. Cort, torn between his devotion to God and love and his want of revenge, when Ellen was out of bullets and had ducked like bombs were coming as Herod shot at her, raised the colt and fired a single shot, then one more, then another, at the landowner.

NOW two were dead in the Arizona sun.

Herod dropped down on the balcony.

And Ellen got down on the sand, as they talked about what had happened and she said that although she wanted to kill him, she was glad of what had happened.

“Where are you going?” Cort asked, as all the action had taken place.

“Into the horizon,” she said. The audience saw Herod getting up, limping and very weak, with no hat, blood on his face. He trained the gun on Ellen before…

She turned around and shot like six times at the evil man!

I thought it was a little far-fetched that Herod survived three times being shot, or two times as he died the last, but I guess it made for a good show.

That was the end of the epic “The Quick and the Dead”. I liked the drama and such, but it wasn’t as funny as Santa Maria. I liked it though.

I told Cort this time he was my favorite character, a title I had given to Deputy in the previous performance. Herod got up and cleaned some stuff out, and I felt sad for him, having in one show the reasonable and not funny Sheriff and in the other the bad guy. It was sad for the great actor, but oh well. We walked out of the great studio after taking pics with the cast. I had had a wonderful time at Old Tucson, and hope to go again. It brings the old west to life like few other places do, with gunslingers, show girls, trains and churches, mayors and cabmen, ladies that want votes and beer advocates, and that’s only a few of the things to offer. It was my favorite place in Old Tucson the first time we went there, and the second time to which I am writing about.

Old Tucson is an awesome place.
Nothing in the gift shop really we got, as we took some pictures and went home in the jeep. I had gotten a good many people who had voxed me things. We saw a glorious sunset with the clouds shining red and yellow through, and then the green cylinder cacti and brush having a great effect, the sun going behind the mountains. A beautiful scene.

We drove into Tucson, the city park, where we parked the car and walked with the iPad in hand, trying to find someplace to eat. We went under apartments, and then found a place called the HUB, which I’ll describe it a later blog and was packed, with the opening at like ten in which we could get in. We were two hungry for that. We found a place on a corner with a straight edge after parking our car and seeing ambulences with swastsas on them(Hitler’s NAZI symbol) and it was called the Congress Hotel. It looked like the one in Old Tucson, with big windows and a sharp edge. We walked into a nice lobby.

There were chandiliers, nice wooden furniture, and interesting walls with a carpet. Very beautiful, square, and cosy. We put our feet on a coffee table and I, without my book this time, played a game on my phone with presendial trivia, which Rebecca also got. There were funny facts like Taft getting in a bathtub and getting stuck and being called Big Bill and that the term OK came from Martin Van Buren who was a yes man. They called him Old Kinderrock or something like that. I deleted that game eventually because I had beaten it. But I gained a lot of knowledge that night, incidentally the day before President’s Day.

We were called after nearly fourty five minutes, after I had gone down a hall lined with pictures and newspaper articles, about John Dillinger being arrested here. In Iowa for school I had read about the organized crime guy, and thought it was cool that he had stayed here. I would, at the dinner table, research and look stuff up online to get the real story.

We were taken out onto the patio where people smoked, and a public courtyard was with benches and plants. At a nice table with drunk ladies on the other side in party hats, we sat down as I felt in the mood to try something new. I saw something that looked good called the Cordon Bleu. Our server, a nice guy with gone back hair and brown ones at that who was fairly young(like 40) and with no bangs named Greg. He was a really nice guy who was interested in our trip and after I came up with nothing online except for a reeanctment thing going on, I asked him about it. He said that John’s buddies had stayed and were captured to another place, as they staked out the place and waited for Dillinger to meet up with them. He did go into the lobby with a different name the moles had said he’d use and was arrested very soundly. He only said, “Oh He!!” and he put up kind of a fight, but it was no use. I thanked Greg for the info as I ate the very good and fried cordon bleu, with some nice rice on the side. I liked the French dish.

Greg was from Oklahoma and had a family and loved this place. On our way out we said goodbye to the great Greg and met another very young guy, named Cameron who was also really interested in our trip. They were great guys to talk to.

We went home and well, slept. After a wonderful day.

Goodbye for now.

I wonder if Dillenger ever tasted the great Cordon Bleu,

Andrew.